Back in Time

One of the bittersweet parts of being a mom is looking back at old pictures of your child.  And by old, I mean pictures that are a year old...or maybe just a tiny bit older than that.  Photos you took when your baby was a newborn, all wrapped up burrito-style in a receiving blanket with one tiny shoulder exposed.

Pictures like this jog your memory back to sleepless nights filled with feeding your newborn every hour or so, changing diapers constantly, and the quick, scarfed down meals eaten in front of the TV, your only escape for 45 minutes.  But it also reminds you of that tiny body you used to hold in your arms, the helpless little being that you suddenly become the sole provider for, the precious bundle of joy that you love more than anything in the world.  It is but a fleeting moment, but at the time, when you are sleep-deprived, it feels like eternity.  As a first-time parent, it's the most nerve-wracking month or two of your life...but eventually you get the hang of it and are soon a pro at changing diapers in the wee hours of the morning and cuddling a fussy baby to sleep.  And once they are running amok in your house, scattering toys in every room - you kinda miss those newborn days.

There is also the tiny infant stage.  The first smiles and giggles, the first time they try rice cereal, the first time they raise up their heads and look around at this strange new world.  It's amazing and life-changing and looking back on it now makes me wish I could transport myself back in time to those moments.

Being a parent means having a built-in buddy, someone you can share stories with, get down on the floor to laugh with, and later in life, someone you can go out to dinner with and reminisce about all the fun memories of their childhood.  I love my little buddy Ava.  She's MINE.  She's my daughter.  A little mini-me.

Looking back at pictures of Ava as an infant makes me wish I could reach right into a photograph and hold her small, infant body.  It makes me wish I could rub her fuzzy head and kiss those chubby cheeks.  The first year of your child's life goes by in an instant, and sometimes I think I didn't cherish it enough - even though at the time, I know I did.  It simply flies by too quickly!

From her first smile, to her first giggle, her first time holding a toy, the first time she picked up a leaf and, well, tried to eat it...

From the first time she crawled to her first Halloween and an adorable bumble bee costume...

From her first vacation to Asheville, NC where she experienced the Biltmore Estate, a remote cabin in the woods, and a perfect picture opportunity...

From her first time eating solid food, the first word ("Mama" if you must know) to the first time she'd ever experienced a snowfall...

All of these pictures take me back in time, to a place where life was just a bit simpler; the house wasn't baby-proofed yet, most of her meals consisted of bottles, and we hadn't hit the tantrum stage yet.  But...I wouldn't change today for the world.  Going back in time allows us to reflect on the good times and also appreciate the present.

My fiesty little 18-month old can say several different words, she walks and runs all over the place, can feed herself with a fork or her hands, recognizes the people around her, knows what bath-time means and gets excited for it, and picks up her baby doll to gently pat her little back.  Ava is loving, giggly, entertaining, and full of life.  Thinking back in time reminds me of how far she has come, how much she has learned, and how much I will miss these toddler days when she is in elementary school.  It reminds me to cherish every moment right now! 

Nothing is worth more than this day.  ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe